


Take my hands, they’ll understand

by chanel775512



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Caretaking, Crying, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Sleepovers, Training Camp, Worried Azumane Asahi, Worried Sawamura Daichi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 12:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29874651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanel775512/pseuds/chanel775512
Summary: Sugawara used to suffer from night terrors as a child. Growing up, his episodes became milder and sporadic, so he and his friends are caught off guard when he has one in the middle of the team’s training camp.
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 49





	Take my hands, they’ll understand

"Don't wake him up!" Sawamura bursted out.

He nearly shoved Hinata out of his way, kneeling by the futon next to his. Both Kageyama and Hinata stared at him with wide eyes, the latter dry swallowing and teary as he mumbled apologies to the captain.

"We didn't... we didn't know what t-to do" Kageyama stammered. "He seemed to be having a bad nightmare, we... we meant no harm, I swear!"

Sawamura looked down. It was too late. Sugawara was awake, propped up on his elbows. His features tensed up, frozen, terrified, his forehead and collar drenched in sweat. He was still for a few seconds, then inhaled deeply. It sounded suffocated, constricted, like his throat was closing in. At that, Sawamura placed one arm under his knees and the other behind his back, lifted him up and rushed out of the bedroom.

He settled his friend down in the hallway, back against the wall. Sugawara was a crying mess, his hands desperately grabbing his own throat as he choked and gasped for air.

"Shh, shh, Suga, Suga, hey" Sawamura kneeled in front of him. Sugawara's eyes wandered around, his short breathing speeding up the more he took in his surroundings. "Hey, hey, look at me."

He placed both hands on the other's face to force him to stare ahead. It was now harder to avoid the gaze right in front of him, but Sugawara's eyes kept moving side to side.

"Look at me. Here, here, ok? Good" they locked eyes for just a few seconds. He tried to move his chin downwards, but Sawamura held it up. "No, no, don't hide. Look at me, at me ok? Good! Now breathe. Just breathe, ok? One... Two... Great! That's it, that's all you have to do, ok? Just one... two... good! One... two..." Sugawara choked on a sob and tried to look away again. "No, no, up here. Right here, that's it. Stay here with me, yeah? Again: one... two..."

Sugawara's body started to relax. He kept following his friend's instructions, breathing in and out on command until his lungs stopped burning and his sobbing calmed down. Sawamura let out a sigh of relief and sat down, hands rubbing his temples.

"Are you okay?"

The vice-captain's hands travelled to his chest. It still felt tight, but at least he could breathe now.

"What..." he swallowed, noticing now unstable his tone was. It was like speaking with a bad sore throat. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure. I think you were having night terrors again, Suga. I woke up to Hinata and Kageyama trying to wake you up."

Sugawara hummed. He didn't feel like he had the strength to ask any other questions. His body was drained as if he had just run a marathon, and his airways still hurt.

"Wanna go wash your face? Maybe change that shirt."

He looked down, noticing how his pajama t-shirt was soaked in cold sweat, and nodded. Sawamura stood up and helped lift him up by sustaining his arm and then torso. Sugawara's knees trembled slightly and he took a few seconds against the wall to steady himself.

While Sawamura went back in the bedroom to fetch him a new shirt, Sugawara took off his old one and nearly showered at the sink. He dried up with paper towels and then washed his face, taking a few seconds to enjoy the water's coolness against his puffy eyes and cheeks. He let the water fall from the shell of his hands and filled them up again, wetting his face a few times before finally facing the mirror. Through his reflection, he noticed the other was already back and standing a couple of feet behind him.

"Here" the captain handed him a white cotton t-shirt.

"Thanks, Daichi" Sugawara put it on. "Not... not just for the shirt."

"Don't thank me. I'm kinda frustrated I let them wake you up in the first place" he looked down.

"Daichi, come on, it's not like you could have predicted something like th-"

"I thought they'd stopped" Sawamura interrupted, facing him again. "You told me you weren't having them anymore, did you-"

"I didn't lie! I wasn't, I hadn't had one for while. I thought, I mean, I was hoping they would stop for good now" he sighed. "I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"Seriously, Daichi, I _am_ sorry. I'm sorry I woke you and the others up when we have training tomorrow, and I'm sorry you had to calm me down, you really shouldn't have to worry about something like this."

"Suga, please, just stop" he placed both hands on the other's shoulders. "It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just... I'm just glad you're okay."

Sugawara smiled at his friend, unable to put into words how thankful he was for having someone like him in his life. Sawamura somehow seemed to understand and smiled back, squeezing his shoulders a bit. The vice-captain yawned and rubbed his eye.

"Let's go back, huh?" Sawamura nearly whispered. The other nodded and dragged himself towards the door, his friend following close behind.

As expected, when they reentered the room, all of their teammates were awake and looking rather concerned about their vice-captain. Kageyama and Hinata were still wide-eyed, the latter unusually quiet while Yamaguchi tried to comfort him. They all stared at the door and went silent for a moment.

"Sorry, everyone" Sugawara smiled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Are you ok, Suga-san?" Tanaka asked, barely noticing how loud he was.

"We're so sorry, I'm so sorry!" Hinata ran to him, nearly tearing up.

"Don't worry about it" Sugawara smiled, patting the first year on the head. "I'm good guys, thanks. Just really tired... Can we talk about it tomorrow? I'll explain everything then, ok?"

"Yeah, everyone back to bed" Sawamura stood up while each one of his teammates, including Sugawara, got back under the blankets. He turned out the lights and lay down as well.

***

_"Koushi, I know you're studying, but can you go help your dad take the groceries to the kitchen?" his mother asked, leaning on the doorframe of his room._

_"Sure. 'Be right back" he smiled politely at Sawamura._

_It was his third time at Sugawara's house. They weren't what he would exactly call close yet, but having known each other for just a bit over two months, it did seem like their friendship was progressing quickly. Besides Michimiya, him and Asahi were the closest he had to friends in Karasuno. Personality-wise they were pretty different, but somehow still compatible —plus, volleyball was always something they could talk passionately about with each other._

_"Sawamura-kun..." Sugawara's mother began when her son got downstairs. "May I talk to you for a minute?"_

_"Of course..." he sat up straighter and let go of his pencil._

_"So, you and Koushi are in the same team, right? Volleyball." she sat on the bed and fidgeted slightly. The other nodded in response. "You know, he told me your team captain wanted to organize a sleepover. Sounds fun, huh?"_

_"Yes, he wanted to bring everyone a bit closer together."_

_"That's smart" she looked down. "But Koushi doesn't want to go."_

_Sawamura frowned and tilted his head._

_"But he seemed so excited..." he muttered._

_"He told me he would come up with an excuse on the day of your gathering so people wouldn't insist too much."_

_"Why would he do that?"_

_"You see that's what I want to talk about. I want my son to go and have fun, make friends and just live a little. You all study too much" she glanced at their books. "But he has this little problem... Do you know what night terrors are?"_

_Sawamura was silent for a moment._

_"No, not really..."_

_"It's like having nightmares, but way more intense. He used to have them a lot as a kid, just start yelling and kicking and even crying in the middle of the night out of nowhere. The funny thing is that by morning he wouldn't remember anything, but of course his dad and I did. We took him to a clinic, but there isn't much to do about it. They told us sleep terrors tend to_ _happen more sparingly and even cease as one gets older, and Koushi's have indeed become way less frequent."_

_"But... they haven't stopped?"_

_"Not completely. They are milder too, he usually doesn't yell like he used to. It can look like he's just having a pretty bad nightmare. Shuffling, maybe grunting, but that's about it..." she paused. "But he's pretty embarrassed of them. He can't predict when one is going to happen, so he avoids sleepovers."_

_"I understand..." Sawamura swallowed dry. His chest felt heavy; he wasn't exactly outgoing, but going on sleepovers had been one of the best parts of his childhood and early adolescence. He couldn't imagine actively having to avoid those. "Is there something I can do to help?"_

_"There is, kind of. Koushi's episodes usually happen around three o'clock, so he can set an alarm just for himself, perhaps with headphones on to make sure nobody else wakes up, and then he just has to wait around ten to fifteen minuted before falling asleep again. If he does that, there is a much smaller chance of him having a night terror. However, if it does happen anyway and you notice somehow, can you please make sure no one wakes him up?"_

_"That's it? I mean, of course. But... what happens if someone does?"_

_"It's like waking someone who's sleepwalking. He can be disoriented, and depending on the intensity of his night terror, even have a panic attack. Even if it seems like he's suffering, I guarantee he will have forgotten nearly everything by the next day."_

_"I see..." Sawamura looked down, then faced her back again. "Well, you can definitely count on me!"_

***

"Rise and shine!" Nishinoya sang loudly next to Azumane's head.

"Just five more minutes, I swear..." he grunted, shielding his own head with his arms.

"Come on ace, be an example to the team" Sawamura said in a mildly sarcastic tone. Azumane rolled his eyes. "Up, everyone, up!"

"I'll go brush my teeth!" Hinata announced, pulling his hygiene items out of his bag. He wasn't even done talking when Kageyama grabbed his own toothbrush and flew out the room. "The sink by the window is mine! You hear that? Come back here!"

"Does it even make a difference?" Tsukishima mumbled as he watched the other sprint to the restroom. Yamaguchi was barely awake, but giggled lightly next to him.

Sawamura looked around to make sure all of his teammates were conscious to some degree, then kneeled next to Sugawara, who had just managed to gather enough energy to seat down and contemplate the chaos around him. His eyes were still a bit puffy.

"You can sleep more if you want" he smiled softly. "Perks of being the vice-captain."

Sugawara chuckled and shook his head.

"Thanks, Daichi, but I'm good. I fell asleep pretty quickly after we got back" he looked down. "Did you?"

"Yeah, I was out soon, too" he lied.

"Look, I'm sorr..."

"Don't" Sawamura stood up and offered his hand to the other. "Come on, or we'll be late for breakfast. I mean, I don't think you have to worry about running out of that unpalatable spicy stuff you like, but still..."

"You guys are just weak" Sugawara smirked, accepting the help to get up.

The clinking from plates and cutlery could be heard from far down the hallway. The third years filled their trays and sat down next to their teammates, who stopped chatting and stared at them as Sugawara sat down.

"I think I have some explaining to do, huh?" he smiled and stared down at his lap. "First of all, sorry for waking everyone up last night. I know you guys must be tired..."

"Don't apologize, Suga-san" Tanaka began. Sawamura gazed at him as if to tell him to wait until Sugawara was done talking.

"Thanks, Tanaka. I mean, thank you all for worrying and being understanding so far. I feel like I owe you all an explanation, so, yeah, here it is: I suffer from sleep terrors."

He proceeded to describe what such terrors looked and felt like for him, and why it was not a good idea to wake him up even if he seemed to be in agony. The others nodded and listened carefully, saving their questions for after their older teammate was done speaking.

"Since they usually happen around three, I'll set an alarm just for myself. This way, I should probably be night-terror-free tonight, so you all don't need to worry it will happen again" he chuckled. "But if it does, please don't try to wake me up this time."

He glanced jokingly at Hinata and Kageyama.

"I'm so, so sorry" Hinata bowed his head.

"We are" Kageyama mimicked him.

"Guys, guys, I was kidding" Sugawara laughed. "I mean, seriously, don't wake me up, but no resentment towards you."

They nodded, nearly tearing up again. Sugawara's expression softened and he exchanged looks with Sawamura, who shook his head and smiled lightly.

"Ok, everyone, finish your meals and let's get ready for training. We better win at least one today." the captain said the last part in a lower tone, almost to himself.

***

_"Mom?" Sugawara stepped hesitantly into his bedroom._

_"Koushi, come here" she offered her hand and guided him to seat next to her on the bed. "I was chatting with Sawamura-kun just now."_

_"About what?" the silver-haired boy leaned back a bit, frowning slightly._

_"Your mom told me about your night terrors. I will make sure no one wakes you up, I promise!" he smiled._

_"You what?" he turned back to his mother. "I told you not to!"_

_Sawamura's smile faded away. That was now quite the reaction he was expecting._

_"Kou, he was very understanding, now you can go and have fun..."_

_"That's not it, you don't get it!" his voice cracked. He looked down. "I... I need to go help dad with something."_

***

Sugawara lay back on the fluffy grass, feeling its slight dampness under his arms and fingertips, and took a deep breath. The sky was colored in orange and light pink, the sun shining bright and warm over them; he lazily covered his eyes with his forearm and focused on the noise around him: Hinata and Kageyama yelling at each other as they raced up and down a hill, Nishinoya laughing histerically with Tanaka somewhere behind him, Kiyoko's angelical laugh as she chatted with Yachi under a big tree near the gymnasium. Yamaguchi's and Tsukishima's voice would come and fade away occasionally as they circled around the courtyard.

"How do they have so much energy left?" Azumane sighed, back sagging against a tree trunk, watching as Hinata dared the other to race another time.

"You are both going to be sick!" Sawamura yelled at them. "It's too hot out here to be running like that. Find something else to do!"

"Yes, captain!" they yelled back in unison, deciding to go join Tsukishima and Yamaguchi on their walk. The first looked less than pleased by the addition.

"I bet your head will be fully white by the time you're thirty five" Sugawara chuckled, eyes still hidden under his arm.

"You're one to talk" he teased back, laying down next to the vice-captain but remaining propped up on his elbows.

"Shut up" Sugawara smirked.

"Gray hair on one side, a beard and a bun on the other" he glanced at Azumane. "Growing some white hair might help me fit in here."

"I've said it already, I don't grow it to make me look older" Azumane ran his fingers over his beard, face and ears slightly flushed.

"Yeah, yeah, we believe you" Sugawara giggled mockingly and Sawamura laughed next to him.

"Shut up..." he looked down, but kept his lips curled up in a soft smile.

They stayed silent for a moment. It wasn't uncomfortable: they were close enough to be able to just enjoy each other's presence without the constant need to chat or do something entertaining together. Sugawara was nearly falling asleep under warm sunlight, Azumane played with the fluffy wet grass under his fingers, and Sawamura watched his teammates from afar to make sure no one tried to climb a tree or run up and down hills after an entire day of training against some of the best teams in the province. It was a bit tiring at times, no doubt about that, but he did feel a sense of pride and warmth looking after them.

"Hey, Suga?" Azumane broke the silence after a while. "May I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to..."

"Shoot it."

"Do you really not remember anything from your terrors?"

Sugawara stayed silent for a moment.

"Sometimes I do" he shrugged.

Sawamura turned around.

"You said you didn't."

"I usually don't, Daichi" Sugawara lifted his arm from his eyes and leaned forward a bit, supporting his torso with his elbows. "Most times I don't, I swear. And when I do, it's usually just flashes. Sometimes I can recall some of it if someone wakes me up, but I lose most of my memories in a few minutes..."

"So you remember last night's?" Azumane's eyes widened in curiosity.

"Barely" he looked up. "I remember the sea."

"The sea?" Sawamura was now on his side, fully facing him.

"Yeah. Like, an angry sea. I think I was trying not do drown. I just remember some pretty big waves. And it was kind of dark, like there was a storm."

"That sounds awful, Suga" Azumane mumbled.

"Meh, I know it doesn't sound very pleasant, but honestly I remember so little..." Sugawara shook his head and smiled. "The worst part came afterwards. When I woke up, I had no idea where I was..."

"You had a panic attack" Sawamura murmured.

"Really? Was it a bad one?" the taller of the trio asked, leaning forward from the tree trunk.

"I honestly don't remember much, I just felt like I couldn't breathe..."

"It was." the captain lay back. "A bad one, I mean."

"Sorry about that" Sugawara smiled and elbowed him. "Who would have guessed Sawamura Daichi himself would be one to know how to manage panic attacks, huh?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" he turned to his side again, raising an eyebrow slightly.

"Listen to me!" the vice-captain whisper-yelled, squeezed his eyes shut and closing one of his fists tightly close to his chest.

"Hinata and Kageyama, go home!" Azumane mimicked him, giggling right after.

"Ok, you made your point..."

"Nishinoya, climb down from there!"

"Tanaka, put your shirt back on right now!"

"I get it!" he took a deep breath and stared up at the sky. Sugawara and Azumane exchanged looks and laughed. "Shut up, you two..."

***

_"Suga?" Sawamura stood up next to his chair. Sugawara didn't lift his eyes from the notebook, but his scribbling stopped. "May I talk to you?"_

_"Sure..." he nearly whispered._

_It was the first time they spoke since Friday. Sugawara spent the rest of the afternoon down "helping" his father, and eventually Sawamura gave up and left. He was hoping to be able to talk to the other during practice on Saturday, but the silver-haired boy had texted their captain telling him he was sick and couldn't make it._

_"Hum... Are you... feeling any better?"_

_"Wh..." he seemed confused for a moment. "Oh, yeah, yeah. Thanks for asking."_

_"No problem..." he swallowed dry and pulled a chair, sitting next to him. "Suga, are you mad your mother told me about that thing?"_

_"I'm not mad. I know she meant well..."_

_"Then why did you leave like that?"_

_"I had to help my dad."_

_"Suga."_

_The other sighed and lifted his gaze, finally meeting his friend's eyes._

_"Fine, Daichi. I'm wasn't very happy about it. Is that what you wanted to hear?"_

_"No need to get all defensive. I just don't get it. It's not like it's something to be ashamed of."_

_"You don't have it, you don't know."_

_"You're right, I don't have it. But I'm willing to learn and help you out. I researched about it yesterday and I think I'll be able to help you out if you have an episode."_

_"This..." Sugawara's voice died out. "This is what I hate, Daichi. I mean, you having to research stuff, to look after me like I'm a fucking child, to try to make sure no one wakes me up, which would be anyone's first instinct seeing me cry like a stupid baby in the middle of the night, because I might have a full blown panic attack otherwise and just ruin everyone's night!"_

_"Suga..." his mind was empty for a moment. He didn't know what to say. His chest felt painfully heavy. "I don't see you like a child, or see this whole thing as a burden."_

_"Daichi, honestly, you don't have to try to make me feel better. I won't be mad at you for not wanting to be responsible for someone your age when you should be having fun..."_

_"Just stop talking about yourself like that" he raised his voice a bit, a hint of anger in his tone. "I'm not trying to make you feel better, I'm serious, ok? I really don't mind helping you out if that's what it takes for you to come along. I won't be carrying a burden or having less fun than I should have..."_

_Sugawara dry swallowed. Even if he tried to hold it back, his eyes were beginning to get teary._

_"I'll only have less fun if you don't come with us to the sleepover" he smiled gently. "I really want you to come, ok? I mean, out of everyone there, you are the one I'm closest to. Even closer than I am to Asahi. So... please? Maybe for a bit of a selfish reason, will you let me help you out?"_

***

_Bip-bip-bip-bip_...

Sugawara reached for his phone with one hand as he used the other to pull his headphones away. He groaned and sat up, looked around until his eyes got used to the dark, and then stood up to leave the room. His futon felt warm and cozy and leaving it sounded like hell, but precisely because of that he knew he had to get outside. Fifteen minutes away, that was all, and then we would be back to the embrace of those heavenly blankets.

It was the end of summer and the temperatures still reasonably high, but shivers ran down his arms nonetheless as he wandered around the second floor. After washing his face, he decided to go for some fresh air at the balcony, also hoping the moonlight would make the whole experience a bit less frightening. He loved horror movies, but being alone at three A.M. in a dark hallway did make him regret some of his most recent sessions.

There was a bench he hadn't noticed earlier right next to the glass door leading to said balcony. He smiled a bit, happy by the new discovery, and sat down to play on his phone and kill some time until he could go back to bed. It was one of those escape games where the player is chased by some monstrous threat and had to run up and down a map while collecting coins. It was quite repetitive, but dynamic enough to keep him wide awake.

"Hey, there."

Sugawara nearly jumped from his seat, his phone thrown into the air before he clutched it back to his racing chest.

"Daichi, fuck, are you trying to give me a heart attack?" he panted, resting his head on the wall behind him. "Why are you awake? It's three a.m., damn it!"

"I know" he sat down on the bench. "I was worried about tomorrow and couldn't sleep."

"Why?"

"I mean, I know all training is worth it, but I feel like losing so much might be making some of them lose motivation. Tsukishima, for instance..."

"I'm not sure he ever had a lot of motivation in the first place" Sugawara chuckled.

"Yeah, I mean, you're not wrong" he laughed. "But even Hinata seemed a bit down..."

It wasn't a complete lie— he was indeed worried about his teammates' morale. However, he also had intended to check on the other and set an alarm for himself at three and five in the morning,

"What an exemplary captain and vice-captain duo we are" Sugawara shook his head. "Hope we're not complete zombies tomorrow."

"An extra cup of coffee and we'll be good" he rested his head on the wall as well.

They stared at the moon, full and bright and surrounded by thousands of stars above their heads. A silver, shiny light ran across the sky.

"A shooting star, quick!" Sugawara pointed at it.

"Hum..." Sawamura closed his eyes, then gazed back above. "Ok, what did you wish for?"

"Come on, are you new to this? You can't say it out loud!"

"Fine" he sighed. "Your loss, it was a pretty cool wish."

"If it ever does come true you can tell me what it was, but not before or it won't come true. Basic shooting-star-wishing rules."

"Aham" he scoffed.

"I'm serious, my grandma was super serious about that, she..." he stopped when his alarm went off. "Oh, it's been fifteen minutes already. Wanna go back?"

"We should..." Sawamura looked down, then back up to the sky. He could see the red pulsing light of a plane far away. "But maybe we could stay here just a little longer... What were you saying about your grandma?"

Sugawara smiled. He resumed the story.

**Author's Note:**

> Just me projecting my sleep disorders onto favorite characters haha pain. Hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are always very appreciated <3
> 
> Title inspired by Body by Mother Mother.


End file.
